Missing the Mark: For Worse & For Better
Recently, I've felt like my life is like shopping at a store and realizing, at the check-out counter, that the coupon you have DOESN'T apply for the completely perfect pair of earrings you found.
Yup... that feeling you get when nothing seems to fall into place the way you need it to when you need it to - life seems to be missing the mark.
The past few weeks, I feel like a lot of the things I have done: the programs I've planned, the projects I've completed, have all fallen JUST short of my expectations.
"Am I even on the right path?" I asked myself.
I found myself wanting to Google or look to a friends' blog for advice (shoutout to Heather's and Theresa's blogs for always being my go-tos). I prayed, a lot. I searched and reached out to anyone and anything I could - but found myself completely unable to actually deduce what I was even searching for. As a result, I've been grasping for the advice or the sign I needed... literally, any sign at all.
"A sign", I told myself disappointment after disappointment, "a sign".
I found it all fairly ironic, since I wasn't even getting the sign that I so badly needed when I needed it.
Then, today fell into place.
I was driving to work after having a lovely conversation with my friend's mother, Mrs. McGonigal, after she had emergency hemmed a pair of pants for me for an upcoming summit I will be attending next week in Washington, D.C..
It hit me after it didn't hit me - the feeling of gratitude.
On my drive to work, I sat in my own car with a tank full of gas, with a healthy lunch packed, on the way to my very own job. It was bright and sunny. Not just did I have coffee, I had coffee my mom brewed for me this morning. On the seat next to me laid these newly hemmed pants, hemmed by someone in my own life who is so generous and kind. NPR was playing.
Then, it didn't hit me.
An 8-wheeler quickly merges into me: I quickly veer out of the way, barely making it. All the cars behind me in the three lane section of the highway are stopped. I look over to the other drivers and all our jaws are dropped.
I questioned how I didn't get hit. I shake off the frightening experience and continue to drive, arriving to the section of highway directly next to my workplace. As I cross the intersection to enter the mall parking lot, a car zooms past at speeds at least twice the speed limit. Had I not stopped, I would most definitely gotten hit, T-bone style, by the car and would've been trapped in between that car and another - if I survived.
I park my car, managing to arrive at work safely, but stunned.
Stunned.
Grateful.
Today I got the sign I wanted - not needed - in a way I never would have expected.
I was so busy noting how my life was missing the mark that I failed to notice how it was hitting the mark. My family. My friends. My spiritual, emotional, and material worlds are secure. I was so busy "expecting", and spent very little time "appreciating". These expectations of my performance and life actually inhibited my ability to appreciate and be grateful for all the wonder in my life and for the amazing gifts God has bestowed on me. It took missing the mark in the best way possible to realize that expectations don't improve life, but appreciations do.
Mingyur Rinpoche, a Tibetan Buddhist monk that I follow, recently had a profound, near-death experience in which he learned about his own expectations and appreciations.
"We all have some kind of expectation about what our future should be. We are almost subconsciously planning about our future... We try to contour the future... once you shake that, you fall into a big depression. If you face in your life a difficult situation beyond your expectation, beyond your belief, its the best opportunity to practice meditation... to see your attachment [to expectations] and [think] beyond [what you want]... from that you feel lots of rejoicing, lots of gratitude."
Thanks for all who bring light into my life - this post was for you. What are you grateful for?
Best until next,
Kel
Yup... that feeling you get when nothing seems to fall into place the way you need it to when you need it to - life seems to be missing the mark.
The past few weeks, I feel like a lot of the things I have done: the programs I've planned, the projects I've completed, have all fallen JUST short of my expectations.
"Am I even on the right path?" I asked myself.
I found myself wanting to Google or look to a friends' blog for advice (shoutout to Heather's and Theresa's blogs for always being my go-tos). I prayed, a lot. I searched and reached out to anyone and anything I could - but found myself completely unable to actually deduce what I was even searching for. As a result, I've been grasping for the advice or the sign I needed... literally, any sign at all.
"A sign", I told myself disappointment after disappointment, "a sign".
I found it all fairly ironic, since I wasn't even getting the sign that I so badly needed when I needed it.
Then, today fell into place.
I was driving to work after having a lovely conversation with my friend's mother, Mrs. McGonigal, after she had emergency hemmed a pair of pants for me for an upcoming summit I will be attending next week in Washington, D.C..
It hit me after it didn't hit me - the feeling of gratitude.
On my drive to work, I sat in my own car with a tank full of gas, with a healthy lunch packed, on the way to my very own job. It was bright and sunny. Not just did I have coffee, I had coffee my mom brewed for me this morning. On the seat next to me laid these newly hemmed pants, hemmed by someone in my own life who is so generous and kind. NPR was playing.
Note, this entire time, I was still focusing on driving while being overcome with this feeling of immense gratitude.
Then, it didn't hit me.
An 8-wheeler quickly merges into me: I quickly veer out of the way, barely making it. All the cars behind me in the three lane section of the highway are stopped. I look over to the other drivers and all our jaws are dropped.
I questioned how I didn't get hit. I shake off the frightening experience and continue to drive, arriving to the section of highway directly next to my workplace. As I cross the intersection to enter the mall parking lot, a car zooms past at speeds at least twice the speed limit. Had I not stopped, I would most definitely gotten hit, T-bone style, by the car and would've been trapped in between that car and another - if I survived.
I park my car, managing to arrive at work safely, but stunned.
Stunned.
Grateful.
Today I got the sign I wanted - not needed - in a way I never would have expected.
I was so busy noting how my life was missing the mark that I failed to notice how it was hitting the mark. My family. My friends. My spiritual, emotional, and material worlds are secure. I was so busy "expecting", and spent very little time "appreciating". These expectations of my performance and life actually inhibited my ability to appreciate and be grateful for all the wonder in my life and for the amazing gifts God has bestowed on me. It took missing the mark in the best way possible to realize that expectations don't improve life, but appreciations do.
Mingyur Rinpoche, a Tibetan Buddhist monk that I follow, recently had a profound, near-death experience in which he learned about his own expectations and appreciations.
"We all have some kind of expectation about what our future should be. We are almost subconsciously planning about our future... We try to contour the future... once you shake that, you fall into a big depression. If you face in your life a difficult situation beyond your expectation, beyond your belief, its the best opportunity to practice meditation... to see your attachment [to expectations] and [think] beyond [what you want]... from that you feel lots of rejoicing, lots of gratitude."
Thanks for all who bring light into my life - this post was for you. What are you grateful for?
Best until next,
Kel
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